Well, I have made my contribution to the Martha Stewart Legal Defense Fund: $38.56 for two big pale green bath towels, a matching wash cloth and matching bath mat, as well as a yellow bathroom drinking cup and matching toothbrush holder.
They were having a sale on the Martha Stewart Everyday line at Kmart.
Please don't tell me I'm giving aid and comfort to a major league criminal. Among the cases of corporate greed to which we have become accustomed, Stewart's crimes are penny ante.
Think of the $2-million birthday party that Tyco CEO L. Dennis Kozlowski, now on trial on charges of grand larceny and other offenses, threw for his wife on the Mediterranean island of Sardinia. Kozlowski had the chutzpah to put half of the bill on his expense account. That's bold. Definitely major league.
Stewart saved all of $51,000 when she dumped her ImClone stock in 2001 after receiving a tip that ImClone's boss, Sam Waksal, was about to sell his, because the FDA was going to reject an ImClone cancer drug. The day after Stewart sold her shares, the stock tanked.
In the jury's eyes, what she did next amounted to obstruction of justice, lying to the Securities and Exchange Commission and conspiracy. But Stewart's crimes said as much about her personality as about the law.
It's been argued that she was unfairly scapegoated. I don't agree, although there is perverse pleasure in watching the downfall of the ultimate homemaker.
Picking up one of Stewart's magazines or watching her TV show regularly sent me into fits of envy and doubt. My life is replete with mismatched furniture, dog fur on the sofa and slow-draining sinks. Her tastefully designed, clutter-free and color-coordinated universe was permanently elusive to me.
Don't think I didn't admire her, though. Just the opposite. The more I looked at those magazines and perused the shelves at Kmart, the more I was drawn to what Stewart seemed to be promising, a world where every party turns out flawlessly, weeds don't choke the garden and voices are never raised.
But when I got clear-eyed, I concluded that people like her, who strive so hard for public perfection, must be working hard to conceal the mundane shortcomings of their secret selves.
Now we know. Martha Stewart had everyday warts.
She was cheap. With her millions, $51,000 should have been little more than cab fare.
She was nasty. She chewed out her broker's assistant at Merrill Lynch. She even complained about the company's music on hold. And yes, she thought the rules were written for somebody else.
I don't know what she'll do in prison, if she ends up there, maybe dress up the chow tables at the jail house mess. I'm not even sure she should go to prison, again because her wrongdoing wasn't on the scale of other corporate cons.
As I was gathering up my Martha Stewart goodies at Kmart, I met a woman, Lori Jessup, who was purchasing a purple toilet seat cover, also from the Stewart line. Jessup is in a business that gives her a fuller appreciation of Stewart's crimes. She's an accountant. She doesn't want to see Stewart in jail.
Jessup would rather have Stewart spend her own money helping real people solve their problems, and when Jessup said problems, I don't think she meant trying to match the living room curtains to the wall paint.
How about sprucing up the apartments of families in public housing?
That's what Stewart needs: time getting her hands dirty, back down here on earth.
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Questions from a reader suggest I was not clear enough when I wrote Wednesday about the state cutting Medicaid payments for eyecare for the needy. So I repeat: Medicaid no longer pays for eyeglasses for adults. The state also does not pay for routine eye exams - if, for example, you need glasses to read or drive. The state only covers exams for people with eye diseases or injuries. However, the state does pay for eye exams and glasses for poor children.
