With help from a psychotherapist, city leaders confront the ways misunderstandings have marred decisionmaking.
By JADE JACKSON LLOYD
Published March 24, 2004
SEMINOLE - In efforts to do the city's business better, City Council members set it aside at their annual retreat Saturday to get at the crux of what's been dogging them lately: conflicting personalities.
Council members spent the bulk of the seven-hour affair discussing issues of possible jealousy, miscommunication and how hurt feelings affected past council decisions. Issues of control by the mayor and frustration with the dissension also emerged throughout the day.
A trained mediator and psychotherapist helped sort things out.
Dr. David Kelley, who last year guided them through their "visioning" program, a look at the future, was on hand at the Seminole Recreation Complex to foster the council's discussion, which turned passionate.
Kelley encouraged those present to be "open, honest and respectful with aim toward resolution.
"It's important to ex out in your mind blaming," Kelley said early in the day. "Blaming is not the way to go. We need to understand each other. ... Attacking is not okay. If people are verbally attacking each other, ... I will step in."
Ultimately, he did.
He played referee several times during the nearly four-hour discussion, most notably between council members Janet Long, Mayor Dottie Reeder, Pete Bengston and Bob Matthews.
Others on the seven-member council also seemed to be holding on to grudges.
For instance, Long brought up a recent private conversation between Matthews and her in which they discussed their varying communication styles and their often at-odds relationship.
"I was reluctantly optimistic that we could engage in intelligent conversation as adults," Long said. "Two days later, he spoke with a reporter in this (Neighborhood Times) article and said this council was ready to explode. Ask me if I ever again trust councilor Matthews? The answer is no."
The two verbally jousted on different issues before Kelley interjected.
During a discussion about the role of the city manager, Bengston charged the council with "taking free shots" at city staffers during public meetings.
Later, a talk about the mayor's responsibilities sparked the day's most emotional conversation. Reeder, who also serves as president of the Florida League of Cities, vented about some council members' lack of support and jealousy of her.
Talking about a resolution the council voted on last year to prevent city staff members from helping with her league activities, Reeder revealed her feelings had been hurt by their decision.
"Throughout the history of the Florida league, no other council has ever done that to its president," she said. "I know I'm not supposed to take it personal, but for the first time, I took it personal.
"I thought every meeting, I'll share what's going on and bring my council with me, wherever I was and we could share this presidency," she added. "When that resolution happened, my council showed me they didn't support me."
Bengston, one of four who voted to pass the resolution, said if he could do it again, he would have made a different decision.
"Maybe from our side, we didn't ask the right questions," he said. "Maybe, from Dottie's side, we didn't hear what we wanted to hear. ... I don't think it was jealousy. I think it was people were wrong."
Matthews, who proposed the resolution, apologized to Reeder.
"I am sorry I caused you hurt today," he said. "That was not my intent. ... Our trust is more important than this and some of the things we play with verbally."
Long asked him to rescind the resolution. Matthews agreed to do so at a future meeting, but stressed the need to move on.
Council member Pat Hartstein reminded them all of the reason they were there. She said that while expressing their feelings helped ease some of the tension, they still "need to be operational."
In that spirit, the council went on to clarify its travel policy and discuss a possible historical society or museum for the city.
The council will now allocate $5,000 for "leadership development," or travel, expenses per council member, as well as $10,000 for the mayor - the equivalent of what they spend now. However, the money will be placed in individual accounts for each council member.
They postponed discussions of the city's goals and commercial architectural identity for later workshops.
The day did not end with renditions of Kumbaya or even a group hug, but the council made progress nonetheless, Matthews said.
"You've got to make it fun, or nobody enjoys it," Matthews said after the retreat adjourned. "Literally, that's where we've been. I think we got a lot done today."
