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Counselors throw a lifeline

When bad things happen to good people, or when a spouse or parent needs a little help, a ministry offers free support.

By MICHAEL VAN SICKLER
Published March 4, 2005

CROSS CREEK - Lauren Byrne didn't know how to cope when her 15-year-old daughter, Regina, was killed in a car accident in December 2003.

As a woman of faith, she struggled with how her daughter was gone in such a random way. As she stood outside St. Mark the Evangelist Catholic Church after one Sunday sermon, the pastor, Father David DeJulio, told her about a new counseling program. Byrne, her husband and three children should think about using it, he told her.

"He knew that this was beyond him," Byrne said. "It was beyond us. We needed more than to sit down with a priest."

The Byrne family became the first participants in a counseling ministry the church launched last year to deal with crises that defy explanation.

For nearly a year, they met with Jim Messina, a semiretired psychologist living in Tampa Palms who offered free counseling at the church. During numerous sessions, Messina forced family members to confront their grief.

"He's amazing. He became part of the family," Byrne said. "The pain was so intense that I wanted to push it aside and not deal with it. Jim had us walk through it. He had us do things we didn't want to do, but because he did, Regina remains a part of our lives."

The Byrnes convinced Messina that there was a need in New Tampa to provide free counseling.

"We're a community, so we need to support people in times of crisis," he said. "We have to provide a service they wouldn't be able to afford otherwise. To do that, I realized we needed more people to do this kind of work."

So Messina and 10 St. Mark members who have backgrounds in counseling are donating their time. Workshops open to the public include:

Dealing with Grief: A support group for those who have lost a child, parent, sibling or spouse meets from 7:30 to 9 p.m. Thursdays. A group for middle school students meets Monday evenings.

Marital Communications: Workshops to help couples understand the different ways men and women communicate are held from 6 to 7 p.m. Thursdays.

Successful Parenting: A group designed to improve parental skills and build better relationships with children meets at 4:30 p.m. Thursdays.

Divorce Support: A workshop that begins in April and will be held at 7:30 p.m. Fridays will offer support to people who have completed a divorce or are separated.

Messina will continue to oversee the church's counseling program, which advises people about depression, anxiety and stress; child behavioral problems; coping with health problems; and adjusting to change.

Messina said he has enough staffers to handle 100 people seeking counseling.

"People who come here don't have to be members of the church," Messina said. "And we're not teaching dogma, we're not teaching theology. We're more concerned with the mental health of the community. We'll leave it to the priests to deal with religious needs."

Byrne said she couldn't have pulled through the crisis without Messina's guidance.

He had family members create a Web site, www.reginabyrne.org that honors Regina, who was a student at Tampa Catholic High School. He asked that they stay in touch with Regina's friends. In one exercise, he had them write letters to her and read them the next night. On the third night, he had them burn the letters.

"Those letters were a way for us to deal with our anger and frustration," Byrne said. "We didn't exactly want those letters left lying around. It helped us move past our anger."

Byrne said the pain is still there, but she learned that she shouldn't hide from it.

"There are people out there really hurting," she said. "They need someone like Jim and this program to help them through this pain."

Michael Van Sickler can be reached at 269-5312 or mvansickler@sptimes.com

[Last modified March 3, 2005, 09:12:11]